We’ve all heard that love is patient and love is kind, but have you ever thought about how hilariously funny love and romantic relationships can be as well? As these funny love quotes from comedians prove, love can bring a chuckle, giggle or a side-splitting laugh out of just about anyone you’ll meet.
When you’re in love, you are automatically having a good time. You are with the person you adore the most, and anything you do with them brings a smile to your face, even when they’re annoying you worse than anyone has before! So naturally, your dating and love life are sure to be full of some downright entertaining moments.
Of course, there are also parts of love that don’t seem funny at first, but that you find yourself laughing about it later on. Bad breakups, fights and misunderstandings may arise and put a strain on things. But once you are able to work through it with your partner, you’re also able to see the humor in the situation.
After all, life would be a lot less interesting if we didn’t operate that way. Could you imagine a humor-less society? Ugh. That would be horrible.
Thank heavens for comedians and their interesting outlook on everything that goes on in our world! Being able to evaluate hard situations and find a sort of silver lining somewhere within it all is truly a gift. And it’s something we can all learn from, because it’s important to remember not to take everything too seriously.
There’s a funny thing about love and relationships … and it’s called everything. Thankfully, some of our favorite comedians can relate, and we found the best funny love quotes they’ve spoken or written to prove it. Not only are these phrases hilarious, they’re 100 percent spot-on, and from some of the world’s most famous, influential people to date.
Here are the 31 best funny love quotes from comedians that perfectly nail the hilarious side of relationships.
1. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
Who your partner really is will always be revealed.
2. “I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” — Russell Brand
Just look at all the options.
3. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
Sometimes it’s hard to find.
4. “If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti
Emojis don’t speak louder than words.
5. “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Natasha Leggero
Tell the truth no matter what.
6. “I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, ‘And another thing …’” — Felicia Michaels
It really is the little things, isn’t it?
7. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
You don’t truly know someone until you love them.
8. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni
Fake it ’til you make it.
9. “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
Love needs repeating.
10. “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld
Try to be a good husband, even when you fail.
11. “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers
Who could argue with that?
12. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler
Ignorance is bliss.
13. “Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
Don’t need to see it to believe it.
14. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
Find someone impartial.
15. “I was like, Am I gay? Am I straight? And I realized … I’m just slutty. Where’s my parade?” — Margaret Cho
Let your love flag fly.
16. “If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” — Fran Lebowitz
Does love ever truly fade?
17. “Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” — Richard Pryor
18. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock
Compliments are key.
19. “My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield
It’s all about the lighting.
20. “I can’t make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.” — Rob Delaney
Or is it all about compromise?
21. “My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.” — Elayne Boosler
Impress your family by getting married.
22. “My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.” — Ray Romano
Finances won’t always be even.
23. “Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. Now who’s asking the questions?” — Jack Handy
Gotta love a wise guy.
24. “I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
Never let them go …
25. “Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris
Take the high road.
26. “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller
Marriage is a nice trade-off.
27. “A kiss may not be the truth but it is what we wish were true.” — Steve Martin as Harris Telemacher in “L.A. Story”
What lies in a kiss.
28. “Women love a self-confident bald man.” — Larry David
Confidence always works.
29. “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” — Jackie Mason
Some prefer to travel for what they want.
30. “It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
Love means knowing what really matters.
31. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck
Get a Carfax if you need to.