God, help us to see that this man will not waste our time!
Everyone shares the fear of feeling a love so deeply for someone who is just incapable of reciprocating.
We’ve all had countless nightmares of losing the ones we love to circumstance and it hurts when you emotional unavailability gets in the way.
It’s a beautiful tragedy for a relationship to perish because one person is far more committed than the other.
No one wants their heartbroken because they have journeyed further in life than their partner. You feel so much, you have so much to give, but it just isn’t the right time.
Of course, this is a lot easier to identify from the outside of the relationship. When you have invested so much time, energy, and emotion into another person, you are far less likely to notice that they are not on the same page as you.
You have fantasized night after night about the possibility of a long future with this person. You don’t want to give that up! But you are sure to feel some signs of his emotional unavailability popping up here and there.
Maybe you have doubts about your partner’s sense of commitment. If you feel he’s incapable of taking the next steps into the crazy world of love, you should definitely take a moment to detach yourself from the tidal wave of emotion and look for the facts.
The Bible can be a helpful tool in these times. God has a very specific definition of love that we all abide by every day that we walk with faith. Applying your experiences to those outlined in scripture can be the defining factor for your relationship.
Before you put your man to the emotional unavailability test or try to fix the root cause, you’ll want to be really clear about your definition of love.
Where do you even begin? Love is such a boundless topic that it can feel absolutely impossible to start to define.
Luckily, there’s a quote about love that most people, Christian and non-Christian know that describes what relationships are supposed to be.
1. Love has certain traits.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, (WEB) lays the groundwork for what commitment looks and feels like, according to scripture.
“Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”
Love is a selfless and complete devotional act. When we love others, we are fulfilling God’s commandments.
If he is not being loved patiently, kindly, humbly, and completely, the relationship is not of God and it’s not worth your time.
You are far too valuable and deserving of true love to put up with anything less than God’s best for your life.
Think about Christ’s boundless love for us all. He gave His life in repentance of our sins. He gave the ultimate sacrifice in order for us to experience all of life’s pleasures. Your partner should treat your relationship as an extension of that love.
Here are 3 more Bible verses about love taken from scripture that talk about emotional availability and how your relationship is supposed to be.
2. He’s emotionally connected to God.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it.” — Ephesians 5:25 (WEB)
The love a man feels for a woman is a mirrored emotion of the love he feels for God.
3. He has self-confidence.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, just like I have loved you; that you also love one another.” — John 13:34
Your partner should treat you with the same respect and commitment as he does with God. He shouldn’t want anything in return for his commitment to you. Love is not transactional in nature.
4. He has a sense of purpose.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear has punishment. He who fears is not made perfect in love.” — 1 John 4:18 (WEB)
Another red flag can be your partner’s lack of direction in life. Fear is the opposite of love. If your man is fearful of a future with you, it will be impossible for him to love you in the future.
There is a second reading to this scripture. Toxic relationships are some of the hardest things to end. It’s possible for you to genuinely not be aware of the danger you are in if you are engaged in an intense level of toxicity.
Your friends may point out the seemingly obvious to you, but you may be far too invested in what feels like love to acknowledge the disaster you are submerged in. If you ever feel fearful of your partner, it is not loving.
If you are ever threatened by your partner, it is not loving. No one is capable of love and abuse at the same time.
If you are experiencing this in your relationship, you should turn to those closest to you for help and guidance to get you to safety.
You are deserving of the highest level of love and respect that one person can give to another. Never sell yourself short.
Naturally, relationships require a lot of work and commitment and emotional unavailability doesn’t help. Just because you are ready to fall deeply into love doesn’t mean that your partner will be on the same timeline.
All of this is to say, if you don’t feel like your partner can immediately love you, but he shows promising signs of getting there in the future, don’t give up!
Everyone experiences these emotions in their own ways. Stay true to yourself, and always turn to prayer when you need a little extra guidance. You are sure to be happily devoted soon enough!