Help me to believe.
“I do believe. Lord, help me overcome my unbelief,” is a faith quote and Bible verse found in the gospel scripture Mark 9:24 — a person believes in God but at the same time doesn’t.
What causes unbelief and how do you regain your faith and believe in God again?
It’s a strange thing that happens in your teens and early 20’s. Sometimes when you try to claim your faith as your own, and not the one your parents laid out for you, there is an internal shift.
You start doing things that not only your parents but also the church would not approve of. You are introduced to things that were sold to you as immoral and abominable, but they become important parts of your life. As you learn to trust yourself and how you fit into the world around you, sometimes your faith will fall by the wayside.
It is a strange thing, reclaiming your faith as an adult. I was raised in a very religious household. My parents are both very VERY Catholic. My mother ran the first communion program in our church, and my grandmother was in charge of the music.
I have four brothers, all of which served as altar boys, and I was recruited to sing in the choir. We attended mass every week, sometimes more than once.
My mother had a rule which was often recognized where if we misbehaved, we would have to repeat mass. Sometimes we would have to go weekday mornings before school if we attended the last mass of the day.
Now as an adult, I haven’t been to a church service (weddings aside) in over 3 years. I have been struggling with my faith, and I don’t even know if I have any anymore. I am too uncomfortable going into church with my family, having not been there in so long, not wanting them to know of my uncertainty.
The one aspect of religion that stays with me through all of this is prayer. I don’t know who I am praying to. Do I think it’s God or the Universe, or is it just comforting to say what I want or what I need out loud? Truly, I don’t know.
It’s a strange thing but, I don’t know if I even want to believe anymore.