The 40 Funniest Quotes & One-Liners To Use When You Need The Perfect Comeback
You’ll definitely get the last word.
We’ve all been there: having the perfect comeback to say after the argument is over. I’ve been there, and if you’re reading these funny one-liners and hilarious memes and insults, I’m sure you have to.
It practically eats you alive. You keep thinking to yourself, “Why didn’t I say that!?”. It’s totally frustrating to have a great thing to say at the completely wrong time. If you’re a Seinfeld fan, you’ll remember George Costanza being insulted by his co-worker while George is eating shrimp during a work meeting. The co-worker says, “Hey George, the ocean called, they’re running out of shrimp.”.
George is completely dumbstruck in the moment – with all the other co-workers laughing at his expense. It’s only later on that he finally figures out his perfect comeback; “Oh yeah, well the jerk store called. They’re running out of you.”
Only problem is, the moment’s already well-over.
If you know anything about this character, you’ll know he’s persistent. George is so adamant to use his comeback on that co-worker that he actually flies to Ohio from New York just to try and set up the scenario again.
Here’s the deal. You shouldn’t have to book any flights to Akron, Ohio just to zing someone. It’s all about giving you an arsenal of epic one-liners and comebacks to use exactly when the occasion calls.
The good news is that the list below has a comeback for practically every situation you could possibly run into. From the jerk boyfriend and the fake friend to the helicopter parent and the nosy neighbor. If you’re feeling extra ambitious – and slightly willing to risk your job – we even have zingers for the notorious cranky customer.
As always, proceed with caution. And be sure to carry a mic with you when using these, because you’ll definitely need to drop it after.
Here’s a list of 40 hilarious, epic comebacks to use next time you need to get in the last word and make it count.
1. Communication is key.
“Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?”
2. No need.
“There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.”
3. And it’s a long way down.
“If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level.”…
